Malcolm Smith's Family History Archive


Biography of

BRENDA  AUDREY  PARSONS

[Ref. S.5]


Biography (part 1) Biography (part 2)

 

Starting a family

 
Once Brenda had married she started taking the contraceptive pill. The unfortunate side effect was that her weight went from 10½ stones, which she had been since the age of thirteen, up to 13½ stones. After one year, she and Malcolm decided they were ready to start a family so she stopped taking the pill. Time went by and during the next two years nothing had happened so Brenda went to see her doctor who refered her to a specialist in Poole Hospital.

The first and easiest course of action was for Malcolm to be tested for potency and that proved positive. Under the direction of Mr.Stern, the gynaecologist, doctors found that her fallopian tubes were blocked so the first course of action was to try to clear them by blowing gas through. That failed so three weeks later, that was followed by injecting a dye via a small cut just below her tummy button which resulted in one tube being freed. After a further three weeks, a scan showed that both tubes were blocked again. Mr.Stern advised Brenda that she would have a 1:100 chance of becoming pregnant under these circumstances and that she should keep on trying. He said that an operation to cut out the blocked section of tube could be carried out but if it failed she would lose the chance of having children altogether. It was suggested that adoption would be a good course of action. However, the couple remained hopeful but after a while it seemed that Brenda would not get pregnant and she became quite depressed about it and the idea of stealing a baby came into her mind but she managed to supress it. She even gave consideration to having a surrogate baby through one of the girls where her husband worked. She had mentioned her difficulty in getting pregnant in conversation to her employer whilst trimming his hair at his home and was startled when he "offered to lend a hand".

Unexpectedly, Brenda became pregnant in the spring of 1974. She had the feeling of sickness for the entire period of her pregnancy, sometimes quite severe. However, she maintained a strong appetite and often got very hungry, bulking up on macronni cheese. Sometimes she would go into Ringwood in the afternoons and buy fish and chips. Her labour started in the 38th week on the evening of 13 January 1975 so Malcolm drove her to Poole Hospital. They were stopped by the police at 1 a.m. at a road block on Longham Bridge and asked where they were going. On being told that they were reaching to the Maternity Ward the Police advised them to get a move on. A police escort was not offered. Brenda's labour lasted until 10 a.m. when son James was born weighing 7lbs 2oz. James was yellow with jaundice for the first few days but it gradually went away. Soon after Brenda was vaccinated against German Measles. Brenda was sad that she was unable to suckle her baby as the milk would not flow despite attempts to make it do so.

Brenda became pregnant again in 1975. In August,at about three months, she and Malcolm thought they would take a holiday before they were fully occupied with another child so embarked on a camping trip to Cornwall in August whilst her mother looked after James. On the first evening they took a short walk but unfortunately Brenda slipped into a rabbit hole. The fall must have wrenched her stomach which caused her to miscarry later that night. Malcolm had to call an ambulance and Brenda was kept in hospital in Truro for a few days. She found her treatment unsettling as it seemed that the nurses thought the loss of her baby was deliberate. Malcolm buried the foetus on Rumps Point under a stone which he inscribed The child of Brenda and Malcolm.

A third pregnancy became apparent later the same year after a trip to visit their friends in Holland in October when Brenda had notified Malcolm of a 'fertility window'. With this pregnancy, she again had a ravenous appetite, starting each day with a good breakfast then eating voraciously throughout the day. As when she was carrying James, she continued with her hairdressing business at home. On the 39th week Brenda was taken into Poole Hospital by her mother-in-law for a routine checkup and was told that she would go another week. Brenda felt that was untrue and felt every bump in the road on the way home. She was right because her labour started that same evening and Malcolm drove her in at midnight whilst her mother stayed to look after James, having anticipated that it would be necessary. Brenda's labour came on so quickly that she did not get beyond the ante-room where son William was born weighing 9lbs just over half an hour later. It was a very painful experience for Brenda and she had arrived too late to receive any pain relief. William immediately developed a rash all over his body so he and Brenda were put into isolation. A procession of doctors came to assess it but not could settle on a cause but it finally put down to being a heat rash. The weather was certainly very hot at the time and it had caused Brenda discomfort during the latter stage of her pregnancy.

After the birth of William, Brenda was fitted with a coil at the doctors surgery. This had to be replaced every six months. At one such event in 1982, she was told to sit for a while to let it settle but she was in a hurry and left. Soon after she fell pregnant again, possibly as a consequence that the coil was not correctly positioned. She felt she could not cope emotionally with another birth at the age of nearly 40, and especially after the pain of the previous one, so requested a termination. The consultant, Mr.Stern, was understandably unhappy with this decision but agreed to let it proceed. Her husband would have preferred the child to have been born, especially if it had been a girl. On the day Brenda went in to the hospital there was a doctors strike in progress so the appointments fell behind. It was not until 10 p.m. that the operation took place and Brenda wondered if it had been deliberately delayed to give her an opportunity to change her mind. The incision was made in the same place as when the dye was injected into her previously and it was quite painful, especially when she had to walk out to the car.

 


Top of page